instead of asking what would a high value man do or any of that shit, I’m gonna start asking what a better version of me would do in *any* situation and do exactly that. here’s to trusting myself.
Sun 25th feb 2024 07:05am
Yesterday was a bad day that ended better than I thought. I think I’ve been feeling low internally for like a week now. Upon reflection I can see that I’m a very hurt person that isn’t considerate of others when I’m hurting. It’s really fuck everyone’s feelings. I’ve not accepted my mothers condition (consciously) and I’m trying too hard to change her. It’s always the same things for me. I’m trying to change her and she’s i need to accept that she’s unfortunately not in a position where that’s possible. I want to actively practice giving grace to people. I spoke to my sister yesterday about this situation and she echoed a lot of what I’ve said already but I think the important thing(s) I took from the whole conversation was to extend grace and take more responsibility and you’ll see more of a difference. And that none of what I’m doing is easy. It’s going to be long and it’s going to be hard but I need to keep going. I didn’t know how much she believes in me and I haven’t fully processed how much she appreciates me. But she really does. Good things take time Uri. Good things take time. I will get there.
Sign out time: 07:27am
gurlllllll u got an ass like I’ve never seeeeeeen
Thursday 22nd Feb 2024 21:51pm
went to the gym today. did a nice warm up, cycled for 12 mins (mild-high intensity), lifted some weights, did 2 sets of chest press, did leg press, and did 5 mins in the steam room. I’m happy with my work today glad I even had the energy to do something after today. I’ve done a lot of walking! I’ve picked up a new show that I like, Couples Therapy. I’m still intrigued to know if any of that shit is fake or how it simply works. Either way it’s good tv. Human nature man. Amen. I’ve eaten good today as well fuck me man I’ve had a good day. Steak and grains with harissa chicken and Mac and cheese. Life is good. Pay day tomorrow. Just great man. Anyways I’m out.
sign out time: 21:56pm
It really does kill me inside that I may never have the relationship I want with my mum. I’ve really wanted a good one with her but I dare say it may never happen. I can’t believe I have to grieve a mother that isn’t dead yet. Do you know how insane that sounds? Life is crazy man. It really hit me that she’s insane. like I really just hit me that she’s not going to get better.
oh fuck I’ve just accepted my mums a narcissist. whew that hit me hard.
I’ve actually come to realise that my mother is mentally unstable
the biggest man doesn’t win the fight, the smartest man does.
just went to the gym. Did 20 mins on the treadmill. x2 chest press (15 each), x2 bicep curls (20 each), 10 mins in the sauna and 10 mins in the steam room. I feel like a new man. I’m locking in now. It was very hard I must say. I haven’t been that physically active in a while so I’m glad I was able to even do 20 mins on a treadmill at a minimum of 12.0 and doing a minute on 15.0. very happy with myself. I’m gonna go to London Bridge to get some food and come back eat and go back to the gym. I’m going to make the gym my third space. fuck the distractions. I have to lock in now.
sign out time: 16:32pm
Wed 21st feb 2024
